The myths of domestic violence
Myth One: Domestic violence occurs only on council estates and is part of the general flotsam of drugs, gangs, unemployment and deprivation.
Not true. Violence cuts across all levels of society. There are as many black eyes and bruises given to women by partners in crisp, Gaultier shirts and Versace suits as those on benefit. Refuge worker Sharon Waugh regularly receives calls from desperate women who have been beaten by their politician/lawyer/business magnate husbands and need to talk to someone in secrecy but until a woman decides to leave, all Waugh can offer is the comfort of her voice. Often a wife is unable to leave because she believes that if she does, her high-profile husband will eventually hound her down and kill her, rather than compromise his career with a messy ‘battered wife’ scandal.
Myth Two: Domestic violence is only perpetrated by a strong man against a weak woman.
The truth is that domestic violence can happen to any woman who is involved with a man who uses violence to dominate. Relative strength or weakness is not the issue – control is. Invariably women in such relationships are stereotyped as subservient and helpless. Far from being a powerless victim, a woman involved in a violent relationship often displays enormous resources of strength in the way she learns to live with fear, navigate unpredictability, and intuit her partner’s moods to protect herself and her children. Experts say that living on this particular psychological knife-edge is tantamount to torture.
Myth Three: Domestic violence is perpetuated by men in a constant rage.
Men who use violence to control their partners are often highly self-controlled. They talk in soft voices, they are polite to their neighbours and they maintain good relationships with co-workers. They are affectionate to their families in public and have attractive sides that appeal to their partners. It’s no wonder that when the blows and screams come – and they do – the neighbours have a hard time equating that nice Mr Smith with the maniac who hit his wife so badly one evening she was taken to hospital in an ambulance.
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