Suffering in silence

Attitudes
Such stories highlight one of the most shocking aspects of domestic abuse within the Asian community. Su says: ‘In a lot of domestic violence cases within this community, you find the mothers-in-law are behind it.’

Many of these women have been abused themselves. So what makes them so keen to see the cycle of violence perpetrated on others?

‘For many of these women it is the only power they have. In the Asian community, a lot of women feel their sons are everything. The son should never appear to have such a close relationship with his wife that it threatens the mother’s power position.’

As a result, some women are abusive to their daughters-in-law, determined to prove their role in their sons’ lives.

Says Su: ‘A lot of women do say “If it wasn’t for my mother in law, my husband wouldn’t be like this”. However the fact is that the man has the responsibility. The women are making excuses.’

It takes a lot to change such ingrained attitudes. Community pressure is such that even mothers whose daughters are being victimised are reluctant to step in.

Su continues: ‘These women still fear the community. They often ask: “If my daughter breaks away from her marriage what standing will she have in the community?” They are there for their daughters but are not actively encouraging them.’

Rejecting violence
Encouraging these women to reject violence and to stand up for one another is no easy task. It is made harder by the lengths that victims have to go to seek help.

Su comments: ‘Quite early on, word did get around the community that I had launched this project. There were men sat in pubs talking about me. There were threats. I took it positively. If they felt I was a threat, there was something encouraging happening in those households.’

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