Know your ex type

Dating different partners is meant to give a world of man-insight before you find 'the one'. But moving on after a relationship ends is not always as simple as it seems - exes don't just disappear but often need to be dealt with in a grown up way

Extract taken from The Ex Factor, by Emily Dubberley

The bastard

Lots of women go through a phase of only dating men who are bad news. Generally speaking, they grow out of it once they realise that being stood up, criticised or cheated on (sometimes all three) just isn't fun.

The bastard can be particularly hard to get over because of the way that he plays with your self-esteem, first offering you affection, passion and interest, then withdrawing it, making you feel like you've done something wrong and need to do something to make it up to him and thus earn back his love. Before too long, the relationship's ended and you're sitting around thinking that you're the one who messed things up. You didn't. He's just a knob.

However, a run-in with a bastard can taint your view of all men. This is hardly likely to put you in a good state to find or maintain another relationship. It's important to remember that most men out there really aren't that bad.

If you've got a bastard ex, accept that you'll probably never get a real answer about why you split up. He's incapable of intimacy with anyone, and even if he met a supermodel rocket-scientist millionaire chef nymphomaniac, he'd find something wrong with her.

The stalker

Studies have found that up to 30 per cent of women have been stalked, and it's generally by someone they already know. It can be annoying, terrifying or even life-threatening.

If your ex refuses to acknowledge that things are over despite being told, you need to get firm and reiterate your point. Tell him that you don't want to see him or speak to him. If he's doing anything that you find intimidating, keep a diary of his behaviour, noting down times, dates and exactly what he's done or said and don't be scared to report him to the police.

Don't share any information with him about what you're going to be doing (or put it anywhere public, such as a blog or on Facebook). And don't feel too ashamed to tell people about it: it's your ex's problem, not yours, and your friends will give you much-needed support and, quite possibly, could help keep you safe.