Each week, award-winning radio presenter, agony aunt, sex and relationship advisor, and life coach Dr Pam Spurr will be advising iVillagers on real-life love and sex issues. Check back every week to read her latest words of wisdom
Let's get it on (camera)
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Question: I've been seeing this guy for a few months, it's not super serious - we have a good time and respect each other. We've never really discussed whether we're exclusive and I don't consider it an issue. The other night he said he's always wanted to film sex and he thinks I'm the girl to do it with. He said it's just always appealed to him. I haven't given him a definite answer yet because I don't know what to make of it. I'm up for trying something new and it could be fun. But I wonder what he'll do with the footage. And I wonder if this is something he tries to do with other girls. He's a pretty open guy so I don't think he'd lie to me, but I just don't know what to make of this situation. Help me out!
Dear "a porn Star is born",
I'm glad you're a tad sceptical about this guy. Yes, you say he's 'honest' but at the same time the way you describe him, and this situation, makes me a little concerned.
But since you're not completely turned off by the idea - and in fact it sounds like you're definitely curious - why not agree to do it on your terms? You should definitely film it on a camera that you own and in your own place. That way you hang onto the footage.
Before you even get that far, though, I suggest you keep him waiting for your answer a little bit longer. The real test will be in his reaction to being kept waiting. If he starts pressurising you and seems to be running down a one-way street with his own ideas and desires, giving little thought to how you feel, then it isn't a good sign.
On the other hand, if he completely respects your need to wait a bit and think about this - plus also doesn't mind that it's done on your terms - then he's probably trustworthy.
Final tip: filming sex can be great fun - and the results can be sexy - but even an amateur needs to think about things like the lighting and definitely the angles it's filmed from! I've known people who have set the camera rolling, got on with the business, then sat back to enjoy the results only to find that they don't look very sexy in the middle of sex.
Enjoy, Dr Pam x
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