Susanne Remic is a primary school teacher, freelance writer and parenting blogger. She writes at Ghostwritermummy and Maternity Matters and in between all of that she regularly wins mummy of the year awards for running around after her two children, aged six and 19 months. This is her pregnancy blog: an online diary of her third pregnancy as she strives to overcome two difficult births, one angel child and one awkward toddler. Join Susanne as she shares every step of her journey from bump to baby!
Making memories
By Susanne Remic on 09 Dec 2011
Too often in life, memories make us sad. Memories make us want to curl up under the covers and hide away from the wind, rain and icy gales. Memories make us want to close ourselves off from the world and retreat into ourselves, our emotions and our bleak, nagging thoughts. Too often, memories can bring tears to our eyes and quivers to our lips. If we let them.
This week I have been allowing myself to become engrossed in my memories, the bad ones, and I have lost sight of something important. While today was my son’s original due date and all the days that follow from now until his birthday are days with significant memories, it doesn’t mean I should accept those dark thoughts as inevitable and sure.
Last year, I coped extremely well with December and its memories. I focused on my son. I made sure I celebrated his first year with us and I spent all my time and energy making sure he was loved and celebrated by others too. This year, it’s a little harder.
It’s the small things. It’s the fact that this time two years ago I was pregnant, and now here I am in that same situation again. This time two years ago I was hoping for a planned section, and here I am again. There are many things going on right now that mirror what went on then too. There are many memories which seem to be playing out in my life once more and that makes it hard to focus.
It’s time to make new memories. It’s time to remember that my son is here and he is happy and these days are now all about his birthday. These days are not about me and what I remember and what I fear. These days are about my son.
My son will turn two in eight days time. My son’s birthday will be a happy day. We will celebrate. We will laugh. We will love him. And in the middle of all of this, I will make a memory. I will remember his birth and I will say thank you to my beautiful boy, for making it here and for staying with us.
But I will never forget. To do that is too deny the fight we fought to keep him.
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