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Violent crime: learning to recover

continued from page 2
When it happens to someone you know
Gill Gridley works for Victim Support, a charity that offers emotional and practical help to crime victims. Victim Support's network of 13,000 volunteers sees over a million clients a year and their phone line receive 1,600 distress calls a month. She explains how best to help when someone close to you has been hurt by crime.

Do

  • Listen without interrupting. Don't chip in with 'I can relate to that' or 'The same thing happened to my sister-in-law.' Just let them talk.

  • Accept how they're feeling. Don't try and make them look on the bright side or think how it could have been worse.

  • Inform yourself about post-traumatic stress disorder. Have the names and phone numbers of victim support organisations on hand to offer when your friend seems ready.

  • Keep in touch with how they're feeling. Don't assume that because they said they were OK last week they're fine today.

  • Offer practical help. Someone who has been assaulted might feel scared to go out even on a short trip. Go with them. Suggest you stay with them if they feel unsafe in their home. Accompany them on GP visits or to court.

  • Be aware if you reach a point where you feel you can't cope with their feelings. That might be the time to gently encourage them to seek professional help.

    Don't

  • Force anyone to talk. Sometimes people don't want to talk to someone close to them. If they've always prided themselves on being a strong person, talking to family and friends will make them feel more like a victim. Help them find another outlet.

  • Assume that one conversation is enough. Gill says: 'I often hear people say, "My friends are bored with me, I've talked about it so much."'

  • Have a time limit in your mind about how long it should take them to get over it. Definitely don't make them aware of it.

  • Worry that your friend has changed for good. There is every reason to think that she will be fine in the end.

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