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Once a hitter, always a hitter?

It takes a lot for a man to admit he has a problem with violence. Most never do. Here one man reaches out and asks for help. Posts taken from the What can we do about Domestic Violence? message board

If you're a man who needs help dealing with your own violence towards a partner, you can contact RESPECT - the national co-ordinating body for projects working with violent men - on 020 8563 7983.

Julian's story:
'I am a well-educated male living in suburbia, with a good job, good salary and believe that I have a good heart to match. My partner is divorced (I've never been married) and has a son who I love as though he were my own.

When I met my partner she was an emotional wreck as her ex-hubby had told her that she was useless and miserable for three years prior. I am a highly confident person myself and because I felt she was such a wonderful woman, I invested a good 12-18 months in helping to build up her confidence. I'm not taking full credit for this as she is a person in her own right but I certainly provided the foundations.

We didn't even argue for three years and had an absolute scream doing all sorts of crazy things. Then one day I was made redundant and she started screaming at me. I felt that this was because she was scared that the comfortable cushion she had enjoyed for so long had now disappeared.

While I was pounding the streets for the next three weeks looking for a new position, she started to argue with me more and more and then started getting violent towards me - I never retaliated as that is the way I have been brought up. The violence started with slaps across the face to full-blown punches to the chest, face etc. Afterwards she would always start crying and apologise.

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