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Advice from iVillagers
'You have been through a lot and are still going through a lot. You need outside help and support - does your wife see that too? You could look in the phone directory for a local counselling practice where you can get support in sorting your thoughts and feelings out. So can your wife.
Until she realises that you have both developed patterns of behaviour that are destructive and harmful it will be difficult for the situation to change.'
Jeanie
'She's abusing you too. Punches, slaps, knives? Abuse. No doubt people will say 'it's because she's been abused'. And I see that this could be true. She's 'learnt' that behaviour. But it doesn't make her behaviour right, and it's all the more reason for her to get help too.
Tiptoeing round you? Yeah, maybe, probably, she's scared of you. But she's pressing your buttons too. If she's not consciously pressing those buttons she needs one kind of help. If she's doing it purposefully, she needs another kind of help - and you're being manipulated.
We've all got our hobby horses. Mine is that men are not always the aggressors. Sometimes they're the victims. It's difficult for a woman to admit she's being abused. Think about it for a guy. The stronger sex. The protector. The macho tough guy. The cliches. Not a confession, an observation. And you've lived it, so you know what I mean.'
Gabe
'Gosh, reading your mail was so touching, you are a brave guy to admit that there are problems in your relationship and are willing to do something about it. Take your steps slowly, don't jump too fast. It'll take some time to go through it.
You seem to be a strong person to admit that you have faults and that you were wrong for what happened and are addressing it. Not many people can do that and you deserve the chance to prove it. I wish more people could address their problems the way you have.'
Sats
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