What the experts had to say
'It takes great courage to ask for help and to write as you have on this board so well done for that. I do think that the pair of you may need help to overcome the obstacles in your relationship. No, there is no excuse for what you have done to your partner but reading through your words it would seem that you reached breaking point.
Now, whilst I work in the field of domestic violence, I do also believe that everyone has a breaking point. I myself have experienced DV and when I met my second husband, for about two years I became very abusive towards him. He did not hit me back but there were a couple of times when I thought he was going to.
He came close to breaking point with me. I didn't understand why I was doing it at the time but now I see that I was testing him. I was pushing him to see if he would be like my ex.
When you have been in an abusive relationship you tend to rationalise it to survive. You also tend to minimise the abuse and after a while it becomes normal. You have to live like that and although you know that it isn't right, there seems no way out so you accept it.
Once out and in a normal relationship, it somehow doesn't seem normal to you as you have become used to living in such a way so you sort of crave what you had, even though you didn't like it. I know this sounds really strange but this is how I would describe what happened to me after 13 years of having to try to unravel it all in my mind.
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