The unofficial Desperate Housewives guide to seduction

Her character
Bree embodies the term 'control freak' - but who can blame her for wanting to keep a tight rein? Her children are mutinous and her husband's partial to popping off for S&M sessions with another woman.

Her seduction style
From her artfully arranged and 'done' hairdo to her beautifully manicured toes, look up 'well groomed' in the dictionary and you'll find Bree's picture. She personifies true uptight perfection. Quirky, clever and with a body most 18-year-olds would kill for, she dresses conservatively, but those figure-skimming pencil skirts are as sexy as they are elegant. She's clearly hot, but it's not an obvious sexiness, which makes her massively appealing to a man searching for the classic 'Madonna/whore' (pure in the kitchen and dirty in the bedroom).

Get his attention, Bree style
Bree's shoulders are always squared and rolled down so they sit low on her back (ideal for showing breasts off), and she positions her body so it's slightly angled, with one foot forward to make her look slimmer. Bree's piece de resistance, though, is the way she maintains intense eye contact. During most conversations, we look at each other 30 to 60 percent of the time. But studies have shown that staring into someone's eyes for around 75 percent of a conversation can trick the brain of the person you fancy - to the point that he thinks he's in love with you. So, when it comes to seduction, Bree's on to something with her intense stare.

Make the first move
Give him a champagne kiss. Take a good gulp of bubbly, but instead of swallowing (hard, I know), hold it there. Kiss him, then let a tiny amount of champagne trickle into his mouth. Wait until he catches on to what's happening, then let a little more trickle out. Get him to return the favour, and if some drips down the side of his mouth, lick it up.

Keep him panting
You're good at following instruction and sticking to a plan, so put this skill to good use with some erotic massage techniques. Apply lubricant to both your hands, then place one hand on either side of his penis. Now move your hands in opposite directions, rolling the penis between them. In other words, make like a Girl Scout and pretend you're rubbing two sticks together to make fire.

Possible pitfalls of being a Bree
Being organized is one thing, but while scheduling sex is sometimes necessary, relying entirely on that schedule is another thing. It's essential to allow for a certain amount of spontaneity.