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Joanna Trollope: are mistresses always in the wrong?

The best-selling author talks to iVillage about marital break-ups, families and stereotypes

Joanna Trollope is the best-selling author of Girl from the South, Marrying the Mistress, The Rector's Wife, Other People's Children and many more. She talks to iVillage about her life and work.

Marrying the Mistress…
'It's a fresh look at an old situation: a man, his wife and his mistress. In my book, I look beyond the stereotype, which is that a man who leaves his wife is just seeking sex. The wife thinks that she is the victim, and the other woman is always the Jezebel.

I don't mean to imply that this stereotype is never true; I'm looking at it from a different perspective. Here, we have a man who needs his self-esteem, a woman who takes power games too far, and a mistress who's actually a nice woman. These characters need to be explored, since they exist in real life.'

Challenging stereotypes…

'I wrote Marrying the Mistress because I'm interested in taking a fresh look at universal social standards. Almost everyone is trying to do the right thing - but when emotions are involved, this isn't always possible.

In my other book, Other People's Children, I defend the stepmother. The stepmother is always regarded as second best, and I don't believe that's true. A stepfamily can mend a broken home.

Defending an unpopular social category fascinates me. I thought it would be interesting to look at a character that is fascinated and feared, the "other woman", the mistress. I wanted to find out why men take mistresses, and how a mistress of today is different from those of the past.'

The Rector's Wife…

'The seeds of this book were sown during my childhood. I was born in the winter of 1943; my father was in the army. He went to India and didn't return until I was three years old. I spent my childhood with my grandmother and grandfather.

My grandmother married a priest in the 1950s; he was charming and witty, but she found the isolation and frustration of the life of a preacher's wife intolerable. My grandfather believed that his parish needed him more than his family, and his wife was indiscreet about her feelings. The concept for The Rector's Wife stems from that childhood experience.'

Negative feedback…
'Reader reactions to Marrying the Mistress have been in favour of the wife. How do I feel about this? I firmly believe that women deserve to be viewed as moral creatures, but they have to earn this status. It shouldn't be handed to them simply because of their gender. My heart went out to Laura, the wife, but I couldn't condone her exploitation of her son. She wanted him to compensate for his father's desertion. I asked a lawyer whether he sees similar situations in real life, and he said yes, all the time.

Women abuse their grown sons to get what they want. Laura is an imaginary character, but her actions are true to life. Women don't always behave beautifully; we have to acknowledge that their conduct isn't perfect. And during book signings, many women approached me and said, "I am a mistress."'

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