My newborn needs help

Told that her infant son had a hole in his heart, Merith (cl-merith) felt her own heart breaking

He said that the murmur was loud so the hole was most likely small (like a river flowing through a narrow gorge, lots of rushing water sounds; a river flowing through a wide channel would make less noise). Before we could leave the hospital he had to have an ECG. He looked so small lying there covered in wires, but he didn't cry. I did though.

When Iain was 10 days old, we had to go to the baby clinic to have him checked over. I did my first public breastfeed in the waiting room. There were other breastfeeding mothers there too which made it easier. Breastfeeding Iain has made me feel that I'm helping him stay healthy - and doing something that only I can do.

When Iain was four weeks old, we went back to the clinic to check that he was feeding well, putting on weight and not going blue, all signs that the hole might be affecting him and could lead to surgery. Thankfully Iain was doing well.

Five weeks later my husband John and I went to see the heart specialist at The Royal Hospital for Sick Children, in Edinburgh. Iain had another ECG and an ultrasound so they could see exactly where the hole was and its size. Throughout the examination Iain was awake and calm. I held his hand as he lay on the bed.

The specialist confirmed that there was indeed a hole in Iain's heart. She tried to reassure me that Iain was doing well. The hole would probably close over in time, or just remain as a small hole throughout his life and not affect him in any way. Even so, my heart was breaking inside.