Information on a new vaccine available to girls to help combat cervical cancer
Talking about separation and divorce
Anne Cantelo, the author of It's No Big Deal Really, recently held a web chat on our Separation and Divorce message board. She looks at the issues surrounding breaking up
Fathers' rights
Is there an ideal amount of contact, especially staying contact that courts will give dads? My friend's ex currently has the children every other weekend but is trying to see them for an extra couple of hours each time and she is unhappy with it. He can't seem to find any guidelines on the amount of time. Perhaps there aren't any?
writergal
Anne: I'm not an expert on the law but I don't believe there are guidelines. I think both he and his ex should be thinking about what's right for the children and not what they as parents are entitled to. Parents don't have a moral right to their children; children have a moral right to their parents, both their parents.
I believe that children have a right to see both their parents the same amount (unless there are problems of abuse or addiction). That can be difficult to arrange but certainly any parent who tries to limit contact with the other parent, or makes it difficult (without very good reason) is being very unfair on their children.
In my research, those mothers (usually mothers) who've behaved like that eventually find that it comes back to bite them. Children judge mothers very harshly if they act as gate keeper to their father, whatever they say now and however much propaganda is used.
Eventually, children will be able to look back and see what actually happened for themselves. Your friend may not win anything by going back to court (and that will be expensive and potentially cause additional conflict with his ex and therefore distress for the children).
I believe it would be better for him to work out why his ex wants to restrict contact. Is it because the children are attending clubs that are important to them? Are there other practical issues? How young are the children (if very young they shouldn't be taken away from their attachment figure for long periods)?
Has the mother defined herself so much by being a mother that she hates the thought of losing the children for several hours in the day? Are the children uncomfortable for some reason at your friends? Tell him not to get defensive if this is the case, it's very common for little things to upset children and once you know about them you can address them.
Get your friend to sit down and have a non-confrontation discussion with his ex (away from the ears of the children) to find out how they can jointly ensure they meet the moral rights of their children in a way that suits everyone better.
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | next
printer friendly
send to a friend
Delicious
Digg
reddit
Facebook
StumbleUpon
Horoscopes| Message Boards | Quizzes | Newsletters | Join
iVillage Ltd is a UK company registered in England & Wales (3837269) at 80-110 New Oxford Street, London WC1 1HB
