Talking about separation and divorce

Ex reducing contact with the children

The father of my two kids (aged five and six years old) used to be very involved with the kids and has been having them for every other weekend. He has been flaky in the past, and has changed arrangements etc, which does rattle the kids, especially my boy (aged five) and my husband and I picked up the pieces and grit our teeth.

Now my ex has said he only wants them one weekend a month. There is no contact between visits, despite them asking him to call and trying to call him (he doesn't pick up his phone).

He's very difficult to get much sense out of and won't talk on the phone or in person, so this latest development was by text. He says he will tell them but won't tell me what he will say.

I know I sound bitter and, frankly, I am. The kids are amazing and have forgiven him so much and it seems like he's just packing them off without a thought to their feelings. When I've tried to discuss the kids' development with him, especially any problems the kids are having, he doesn't want to know.

I know this makes it easier for him to think his actions have no consequence. But this latest twist really worries me. He's a rubbish dad, but he's their dad and I genuinely think they will feel rejection on some level, especially if he doesn't have a good reason for decreasing the contact.

My daughter is very sharp and won't accept a lame excuse and will keep pushing for more explanation. I want to raise this with him again so he gets his 'arguments' straight before telling the kids but it's so hard. Any tips for that would be great.

It's a bumpy time for them anyway, they have a new brother or sister on the way, which they're thrilled about but must affect them on some level and we're all going to be moving area soon, which will of course have a knock on effect.
thirdtimer

Anne: This must be very tough but you sound like you're being really fair and understand exactly how important it is to try everything to keep your kids' dad in their lives.

In my research for the book, many of the fathers cut off contact with their children but not one of the ones I spoke to did it for selfish reasons (although this was always the assumption of the mothers). All the fathers did it because they were hurting and trying to cut off the source of the pain or because they'd been given the impression by their ex and children that they weren't wanted anymore.

Only you know him and the circumstances but this leads me to suspect that he's upset about something and seeing (and even speaking) to the children makes that upset worse for him. He wants to try to shut out what's causing him pain and bury himself in new social activities.

So why is he suddenly upset? The most common reasons are: