Parenting 

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Alternatives to smacking

iVillagers who are against smacking children discuss alternative discipline methods

When my son turned three and a half I began using Star Charts. Basically, my son would get a gold star if he did, or stopped doing, certain things. If he did the task I asked he'd get his star, if he didn't do it then he would get a dot.

At the end of the week we would add up all the stars. If he got seven stars he'd get a prize like a comic or a pound to spend on anything he wanted. If he got a bit less than seven then he would get sweets or money for the moneybox. If he didn't get any then he would get nothing.

Make the chart fun to look at and fun to get the stars. You can also use it for jobs like taking the washing out of the machine, tidying up the bedroom floor, etc. My kids love it as it gives them something to do that is helpful to me.
jenniew02

I used to be a marine animal trainer, and to train wild dolphins we used positive reinforcement. Good trainers can take an animal from the wild and teach it to trust them and learn to respond to them using this method. Good behaviour is reinforced by food and social interaction with the trainer, but bad behaviour results in the trainer ignoring the dolphin.

My mother always sent me to my room when I misbehaved as a child, which I hated. I was praised for good behaviour and sometimes given rewards for especially good behaviour. I was very rarely smacked but, when I was, it didn't have the same effect as being ignored, being ignored was the worse punishment I could be given.

To me this shows that positive reinforcement works, not only on animals, but on children, too, and it doesn't necessarily have to be about materialistic things; verbal praise in most circumstances works as well as sweets, toys or other treats.
reagiles

I don't start any 'discipline' as such under the age of three, but there are rules, and 'no' means 'no'. After the age of three, I start introducing more strictness but no punishments as such until they are at least four.

Punishments are preceded by the traffic light warning system. If they are good they are on green. If they are being deliberately naughty, they are told they have gone to amber and are told they will go to red if they continue with what they are doing. Red could be a confiscation for 24 hrs, five minutes upstairs, or loss of a privilege, but going onto red is a rarity, so it stays a fairly serious thing.

My boys also collect 'scout points' and 'scoundrel points'. They get the scout points when they have been notably kind or helpful around the house, and scoundrel points if they leave a mess or are unkind.

Some things, like violent behaviour or deliberate cruelty, mean immediate time out plus loss of privileges. And they have to do a 'penance' for the person they have been rotten to, afterwards - lend them a toy, or help them out with something.
earthmother2002

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