My teen's diabetes makes her life so difficult

My 13-year-old daughter has all the usual teen problems - arguments with friends, hating school, wanting to stay up all night etc, but she also has type-1 diabetes. This makes her mood swings even more unpredictable, and I have to resist asking her to test her blood glucose when she has one of her Vicky Pollard moments. She is very angry at being 'different'.

We have problems controlling her diabetes. She has had a lot of time off school, and it was suggested by her nurses that she is self-harming, in that she may not take her insulin to avoid school. Currently she does not have to go - home-schooling is organised.

Should I force her to go to school... she gets very upset about it, but I'm worried she feels even more 'different' the longer she doesn't go. Nothing we do helps, and she feels 'blamed'.

How should I deal with her? Should I be firm and check every injection, blood glucose tests, and make her go to school, or should I continue in a supportive way, encouraging her to take control, and understanding when things don't work out? I do not think it is her fault, her body is very insulin resistant, but is it my fault because I don't want to be the 'hard' parent?
xxlibbyxx

My heart goes out to you! Not only are you dealing with a teenager - hard enough as it is - but a seriously ill one. With my youngest, she had life-threatening asthma and spent many weeks in and out of hospital during her whole teenage years. You're absolutely right that it does make things harder for them as they hate feeling different from their peer group. They also meet with the fact that if you can't 'see' the illness then their peer group isn't very understanding. And you can't 'see' diabetes.

You are doing such a tremendous job by trying to be supportive of her. And you have a good grasp of the issues surrounding her diabetes and how that may be affecting the way she feels about herself in comparison to others.

So far you've gone with your intuition to be supportive but maybe you should now talk to her health care professional about whether or not you need a tougher approach at least when checking her insulin, etc.

If you maintain the supportive stance outside of diabetes-related issues, and simply get a bit tougher on that then I think you may find that works. Ultimately the most important thing (besides her health) is to build her self-confidence, something that is really rocked by adolescent illness. Perhaps she needs to take up a hobby or find something she enjoys that takes her mind off her problems. Encourage any friendships she still has from school despite her being home-schooled.

I wish there was a simple solution when you have a very ill teenager but I know from my own experience, and as a parenting expert, you will have to live day-by-day. Treasure the days when she's feeling well, and upbeat, and hopefully you'll get more of those.

I really do wish you the very best!

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