Teen behaviour: don't sweat the small stuff

You've asked one of the ultimate parenting questions! Some experts would say you need to keep pulling them up on the little things - so the big things follow. And others would say only tackle the big issues - I say use your intuition as every teen is unique.

For example, if your teen occasionally leaves a coffee mug and bowl on the coffee-table (don't we all?) but you're worried about their study habits, I'd say don't sweat the small stuff and talk to them about how they can structure their study time instead.

If, however, they constantly leave dirty plates around and think there's a magic cleaning fairy that tidies up after them, then you need to deal with it.

One way of dealing with those little things is to set some basic boundaries like if things aren't tidy then the television goes off. Talking back is something different altogether. There's 'mild' talking back and there's 'swearing and yelling'. A little challenging discussion is never harmful as long as you both resolve whatever it is. But if they are unpleasant, which you find unacceptable, then again you need to confiscate privileges. Or even leave the room and withdraw all your attention saying you'll be back 'when they can talk in a civil manner'. Yes some 'toddler' techniques are useful with teens too!

Teens who are very grumpy, unhelpful and talk back are usually suffering self-doubt and low esteem - so boost them when they show their nice side and give them loads of love!

So everyone should use their intuition on the small stuff - thanks for raising it!