Trying to relate to my teenage daughter

Hey Thrin, aren't children who become an alien something else? I remember when my daughter did! First off, any child who self-harms is someone who has particular difficulty communicating feelings. Because they can't communicate feelings they self-harm to alleviate emotional tension.

Also self-harmers tend to be very down on themselves and only see the bad things about themselves. She needs to start seeing the good in her. It's a more about her hating herself then hating you or her family.

I'd rather you weren't communicating by computer. Why not look at the way you phrased messages to her this way and actually try speaking those messages.

It's time to take small steps. I want you to start giving her a hug or some sort of affection each morning as you say good morning. Start the day as you mean to go on. Right now she probably feels like you hate her and she needs that reassurance.

Once you've started showing her that each time you pass each other it doesn't have to erupt into a row you can start taking all the pressure out of the situation.

You do need to start with a clean slate so why not talk to her about having a weekly family meal together while you try to get her round to the idea of eating with you. Ask if she'd like to help you cook once a week - generally try and 'big her up' and show her a few basic skills while trying to alleviate the situation. Then don't wait to talk when smack in the middle of problems - have little chats about things that you know might be sensitive. Keep your conversation very straightforward.

Don't throw in her face the fact that she 'always does this, or always does that' - really keep each day as a new day.

You may want to talk to Parentline (0808 800 2222) for your own sanity. Involve family and friends in supporting you so don't feel on your own. You don't mention her father - if he's around try and get him involved in making her feel better about herself.

If you suspect she's self-harming again, she should get in touch with the self-harm alliance - 01242 578 820 or the self-harm network - www.nshn.co.uk.

Good luck - with loads of love and these tips - you can sort this!