Parenting 

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What motherhood really means

Motherhood can change your life in so many profound ways. Here a mum describes the day her own daughter sought advice on starting a family

We are sitting at lunch when my daughter casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of starting a family. 'We're taking a survey,' she says, half-joking. 'Do you think I should have a baby?' 'It will change your life,' I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral. 'I know,' she says, 'no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous holidays...'

But that's not what I mean, at all. I look at my daughter, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes. I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will be vulnerable forever.

I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without thinking: 'What if that had been MY child?'
That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die. I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub.

I feel I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. Her own life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. She would give it up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to yearn for more years - not to accomplish her own dreams - but to watch her children accomplish theirs.

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