Parenting 

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Take ten women

continued from page 9
From working mum to stay-at-home mum


Emma Formanand, 38, lives in Wandsworth, London with her husband Graham, 39, a surveyor, and their three children, Flora, 7, Henry, 4 and Daisy, 21 months. Until her second child was born, Emma combined motherhood with her job as a solicitor in a large, West-End firm

"I qualified as a solicitor in 1987 and worked extremely hard until I left my job just before my second child, Henry, was born. I was with the firm for five years and went back to work six months after my first child was born. I wanted to carry on working to further my career and also I didn't feel we could manage without the money. I had no qualms about going back to work.

On return, my opinion about work changed quite rapidly. I'd found a nursery for Flora, but it didn't open until 8.00am. I'd rush to drop her off, drive back to the station, get the train into work, arrive in the office, usually running late, and then, in the evening, I always had to leave work on the dot of six so I could get to nursery in time to collect her before it closed. Constantly leaving work on time was frowned upon because putting in extra hours was the done thing.

I'd negotiated with my boss to work only four days a week, but only on the proviso that none of my clients knew I wasn't reachable on Fridays. I was still doing a five-day a week job, crammed into four and, what's more, I was only being paid for four days. The boss I'd negotiated this 'great' deal with was a woman who also had children, but she wouldn't give an inch. She wasn't particularly maternal and I think she felt that she'd juggled her children and a full-time job, so why shouldn't I?

I was caught between a rock and a hard place. I was a junior partner in the firm, which meant my career was progressing with great prospects, but I didn't have the clout to be able to negotiate the three- or four-day week I really wanted. I found myself rapidly becoming disillusioned with work and the stressful impact it was having on my life. I didn't feel as if I was doing anything well. Work was suffering because I had a child, and my child wasn't getting my full attention because work took up so much of my time.

In the meantime, my husband and I started trying for a second child and I became pregnant. The plan was to work until the end of my pregnancy, take maternity leave and then not go back to work - at least not to the same job. I'd had enough of the lack of support I encountered in that firm. Unfortunately, I miscarried the baby and it was then I realised something had to give. I approached a couple of legal temp agencies about getting work two or three days a week, but they told me point blank that because I had a young family, it was unlikely that I'd get a job in a law firm. So much for women's rights in the workplace.

When we had our second child, Henry, I'd already made up my mind to give up work. It was just impossible to juggle a busy and demanding career with children. I gave up work for good. Flora was nearly three and at first I didn't know what to do with all the time on my hands. I even felt a bit guilty for not working. I was so used to being maniacally busy every minute of the day that it took a while to wind down. When I did, though, I loved spending time with the children and enjoyed joining mother-and-baby groups because I hadn't been able to do that whilst working. Now I can't imagine going back. The only way I'd consider it is if I could work for only two or maybe three days and, even then, my job would have to fit in with my family schedule, not the other way around. Looks like I'll be at home for a while yet, then!"

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