Life with a large family

Challenges

• It can be hard to find time to concentrate on each child.
• Money will almost certainly be short, and you may have to forego luxuries. You may also incur substantial childcare costs and further education expenses.
• You will probably need a larger house and car than smaller families.
• You will spend more time than most parents on the most challenging stages of early childhood.
• Unless you have a rota for chores that everyone complies with, your house may be in chaos a lot of the time!

Three positive steps to large-family parenting
When you have three or more children, the most important thing is to make sure that each child feels valued in his or her own right. There are positive steps you can take:

1. Schedule in specific times during the week for a one-to-one with each child, and spend the time really talking to and listening to your child, or sharing an activity of their choice. 'Each child is special and different, so it's really important to devote time to them as individuals,' says Alistair Scott.
2. If you have three children, your middle child may not have as strong a sense of position within the family as your firstborn and your 'baby'. Take special notice of his or her abilities and achievements, as well as recognising cues that he or she is in need of extra attention. Look out for special aptitude in activities such as sports, music, art, maths, swimming or dancing, and nurture and encourage these - perhaps by encouraging your child to join a special group or club.
3. Try to make sure that your oldest child is not the only one to get new things: you can pick up plenty of bargains by shopping around. Supermarkets, for instance, are often great value for clothes, books and toys. From time to time, treat your younger children to something that's just theirs - and do accept the occasional hand-me-downs from friends for your eldest child, too.

'Fun doesn't have to cost a fortune'
Julie and Geoff Hartnett, both 37, from Christchurch, Dorset, have five children: Micky, 13; Denny, 11; Cassie, 9; Freddie, 7; and Susie, 4. Julie is a full-time mum and housewife. Geoff is a manager in a local superstore. Julie says: 'Our house usually looks like we've been burgled, but I'm long past caring about that - I'd rather spend time with my children than vacuum around them.

'I'm lucky to have a sister nearby, and Geoff has two who don't live far off, so with their help and our lovely neighbours, we do get time off: we're on first-name terms with our local publican to prove it!

'My best tip is that you don't have to spend a fortune to have fun. We can't go abroad together because the flights alone would break the bank, but we have family camping weekends whenever we can. Geoff's sisters, who only have one child each, usually take one of ours with them whenever they go abroad, so at least two children get to experience a different culture each year.

'We have traditional birthday parties at home, instead of hiring expensive venues. Most children love jelly and ice cream, Oranges & Lemons and Musical Bumps, just like we used to when we were kids. Instead of party bags, we have one big Lucky Dip bucket. (I buy 99p books, which are more worthwhile than party bag tat, which can run into £4-5 per child!) We also buy our clothes from catalogues to spread the cost, and Geoff gets staff discount on our food shopping.

'Will I have any more children? You must be joking! Five I can cope with, but six? That might be a bridge too far.'