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  |  Your Family  |  Divorce and step families  |  Dad's place is home too
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Dad's place is home too

by Jann Blackstone-Ford

question
My ex-husband and I divorced three years ago when my daughter was six. We have joint custody and both live in the same school area. Our daughter lives with me most of the time and sees her dad every other weekend. It has always been a struggle to get her to go to her dad's. She loves him, but he has never done anything to make her feel comfortable in his new home. Her room is stark - no pictures, no toys. She's bored when at her dad's house and feels like she is visiting. Her father is irritated with me because he thinks I am sabotaging her visits, but honestly, it's nothing I'm doing. What should I do?

answer
When attempting joint custody it's important that a child feel comfortable in both parents' homes. They need their own space - if not a room, then a corner that no one will touch. Your daughter is lucky that she has an entire room to herself at her Dad's house, but if the room is not inviting, having that space all to herself may seem like punishment to a nine-year-old.

I'm not surprised your daughter doesn't look forward to visiting her dad if she has no toys at his house and her room is unappealing. The question is how do you tell your ex that he is the reason your daughter doesn't want to spend time at his home? As the old saying goes, very carefully.

It's important for the non-custodial parent to look for ways to stay close to their kids. Dads are always looking for activities they can do with their daughters, and fixing up her room is a great project that they can do together. They can pick out a duvet cover, decide on paint colours and organise to their heart's content.

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