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Helping your partner be a stepparent
I have remarried and have a seven-year-old and five-year-old from my first marriage. My husband has no children of his own. My seven-year-old has a learning disability and cannot read or write. My husband thinks he is just lazy. How do I get my husband to understand that encouragement can do so much for a child?
Not having had children, your spouse may not have given much thought to parenthood. It is likely that he has not experienced two critical insights that are common to the process of becoming a parent. The decision to have a child provides the opportunity to reflect on our own childhood and discover the ways your own child is different from yourself. It is necessary to turn a critical eye towards your own childhood in order to identify the kind of parent you want to be. It is also natural to try to understand others by identifying with them, before realising that a child may indeed be uniquely equipped with strengths, weaknesses and sensitivities that are unlike our own.
Now that he has taken on the responsibilities of becoming a stepparent, it is your partner's job to identify how the way he was brought up affects how he is responding to his own stepchildren. Give your husband the benefit of time and discussions about your own process of becoming a parent.
Given that you have already developed your own child-rearing philosophy and sensitivities to your individual children's needs, you are definitely several steps ahead. Engage in discussions about your beliefs and how you came to them. Share your perspective on what you believe contributes to a child's self-esteem and on the particular unique needs of each of your own children.
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