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Am I becoming a 'wicked stepmother'?
I need advice on disciplining my five-year-old stepdaughter. Her father is reluctant to discipline her and that responsibility falls on me. He says he is going to take an active role in parenting but usually does not. I feel that I am becoming the wicked stepmother. How can I get him to help control her behaviour when she acts inappropriately?
One of the strongest predictors for success in stepfamily development is the relationship between stepparent and stepchild. The second strongest predictor is a good couple's bond. Since the biological bond between parent and child predates the couple's relationship, the need to honour and respect the boundaries of this previous bond is essential prior to fully incorporating a stepparent as a major authority figure. Any shortcuts precipitate problems later.
Often, because of cultural loading on mothers to be the primary carers, stepmothers are susceptible to being placed in this role precipitously. Men more than women, following divorce, tend towards looking for a 'replacement mother' to continue the work the biological mother did in the biologically intact family unit. This is a set-up for failure and frustration! Do not assume this role. Step back and require that your husband play the 'heavy' or you are likely to end up the scapegoat for everyone's negative feelings in the family.
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