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Positive parenting
Being a parent is not just about how to discipline your children effectively. Jo Douglas, author of Toddler Troubles discusses nurturing, protecting and understanding your kidsAre you feeling unhappy about how stressed you feel by caring for your pre-schooler? Are you shouting more than you mean to because your child never seems to listen to you and doesn't do as they are told? If you answered yes to the above, it's time to improve the quality of your relationship.
Love list
Firstly, you need to remember what you love about your child rather than concentrating on their problems. Write down a list of all of the things you like and enjoy about your child. He may be very affectionate, have lovely blond curly hair, love to look at books, be cuddly, have a good sense of humour or have a an infectious laugh. These are important characteristics to remember to help soften any problems you are coping with - his hyperactivity, his temper tantrums and his bedwetting. Remember that despite his problems, you love him.
You need to build on the good qualities and improve your relationship with your child so that you both enjoy being together. So take some time each day to be with them when there are no distractions. Remember that this time is precious, so enjoy every moment.
- Let your child choose the activity, while you just be 'there', playing, joining in and helping. Try encouraging him with comments like: 'What a lovely truck,' 'Look how many cars you've managed to get into the garage.'
- Praise him: talk about what he is doing and touch him positively - a pat on the head or a quick hug is all it takes.
- Try not to ask questions, make criticisms, give commands or reprimand him during this time; stay positive and attentive.
Jim's story
Jim's dad was proud that he had made a commitment to take his son to school each day so that they could have some special time together away from the rest of the family. He had been told that this would be good for their relationship and ease some of the conflict that they were having. But when Jim was asked about this time, he revealed that his dad spent most of the time on his mobile phone, so they didn't talk about anything. Sadly, Jim's father had missed the point of the special time: to give all of his attention to his son.
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