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Increasing your child's self-confidence and self-esteem
Jo Douglas, author of Toddler Troubles, gives advice about how we can help our children grow up feeling good about themselves; being able to cope with their own feelings and being able to empathise with others' feelings We live in a competitive world and some parents may consider that emotional sensitivity is the opposite of the aggressively competitive skills needed to succeed. But it is not always possible to be top of the pile and we mostly have to cope with being some way down but feeling OK about it.
Praising effort
Helping children feel good about themselves is one way of immunising them against bumps they will have throughout their lives. We are not all geniuses and there will always be someone who finds the work easier or gets better marks at school. To stop our children giving up on the competition and saying it's all a waste of time, we need to help them feel good about their achievements and their efforts.
Children with low self-esteem tend to think that things are too hard for them to do. They avoid challenging themselves as they think they will fail. They may feel worried or anxious and are easily discouraged.
Self-esteem and self-confidence start in the preschool years. A child whose efforts at art are laughed at or turned upside-down and asked, 'What is it?', will feel embarrassed and start to hide their work, tear it up, say 'it's no good' or stop doing it. Putting your child's artistic effort on the fridge, encouraging him to talk about what he has done in the picture, pointing out good bits and saying what a good painter he is will produce a totally different set of feelings in him. He is more likely to try again, improve his efforts and be proud to show you what he has done.
Sibling rivalry
Siblings can also have a significant impact on a child's self-confidence. A younger child may be always trying to be like the elder one. Your children will have different strengths and weaknesses and if one is good at football while the other isn't, this can lead to a lot of resentment and avoidance of even trying because of the innate competition between siblings. One may be more musical, more artistic or more academic than the other. It is up to you to help bring out their strengths and help them feel that their efforts are worth it. In general it is probably easier to help them shine at different activities. If you are a musical family, encourage different instruments or if you are a sporty family, encourage different sports to suit each child's temperament and abilities.
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