Parenting 

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Caring for more than one

Jo Douglas, author of Toddler Troubles, gives advice on how you can divide your time equally between two (or more) demanding children without getting too stressed

As soon as you have two children, your attention as a parent becomes divided. While you are attending to one, the other can get up to mischief. You can feel split in half and very irritable when you cannot maintain control. You expect the older one to show some sense or awareness of the stress you are under, but of course he doesn't. Who should wait? How do you balance the needs of your older child to have help with their spelling while the younger one needs a bath and a bedtime story? You can't be perfect all of the time. It's normal to snap and shout and feel stressed sometimes; but not every evening.

Step one
Try and stay as calm as possible. Try not to let your agitation and personal pressure add to the already noisy situation. Count to 10, and use relaxation or yoga tips to calm yourself down.

Step two
Reduce your expectations and self-imposed standards of what you expect yourself to do. You cannot do more than three things at once, no matter how hard you try. So don't set unrealistic standards of house cleanliness, perfect meal on the table, immaculately clean baby and perfectly tutored son all by 6pm.

Step three
Ignore what you can do nothing about. If you are busy changing the baby and your toddler has tipped out his entire toy box, don't shout or get stressed - just deal with it later when you can.

Step four
Don't try to be supermum/dad. Be realistic about being a busy parent, but keep your children's needs in focus and watch for their reactions to their hectic lifestyle. You may feel like a taxi-driver rushing from one activity to the next as Janie has swimming lessons, Tom has football practice and Suzie has Tumble Tots. They can eat their sandwiches in the car for tea while you rush from one class to the next.

Step five
Ask for help if you need it and can get it. Your partner can take over some of the childcare tasks. Your relatives, if they live close by, can always be asked during a time of stress. If you can afford it, buy in some help with childcare even if it's only for an hour or two in the evening when you are most stretched.

More Toddler Troubles...

• Keep your relationship revved up
• Positive parenting
• Stop problem behaviour before it starts
• Increasing your child's self-confidence and self-esteem
• How can I be firm without losing my temper?
• Nightmares and night terrors
• My child is a worrier
• Back to Toddler Troubles main page

Excerpted with permission of the publisher John Wiley & Sons, Ltd. fromToddler Troubles by Jo Douglas. Copyright © 2002 by John Wiley & Sons,Ltd. This book is also available at Wiley Europe, or by calling 44-1243 779-777.

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