My child is a worrier

Sam's story
Sam, aged three, was terrified of having his hair washed or getting into the bath. His mother suspected that he had become worried after a child minder had let him go under the water in the bath at the age of 18 months. He had panicked and since that time refused to bath.

We developed a plan of desensitising Sam's fear by encouraging him initially to stand in the bath with no water in it while his teeth were cleaned every morning and night. One inch of warm water was then added to the bath and he was encouraged to stand in it on a non-slip mat. Toys were put in the bath and he was encouraged to crouch down and play with them. The level of the water in the bath was gradually increased up to four inches and he was encouraged to splash and be washed without necessarily sitting down. After about one month he had learned to sit down in the water and his mother was able to wash his hair with the shower attachment to the tap.

Ways to help:

• Accept and understand your child's fear. Do not make fun of him or ridicule him.
• Reassure and calm your child and try a gentle and gradual approach to the feared object.
• Don't force contact with the feared object or you may induce a panic.
• Use immediate and simple rewards to increase your child's motivation to approach the feared object in stages.
• Set the goals of change in small manageable steps. Don't rush it.

Michael's story
Sometimes avoidance or reluctance to co-operate is interpreted as fear and shyness, when in fact it is just a control issue.

Michael, aged four, refused to have his hair cut and said he was frightened of going to the hairdressers. He also refused to have his nails cut and was described by his mother as very shy in new situations. She thought these were phobic reactions and that he needed help with his anxiety. In fact it was more of a compliance problem. He generally liked to have his own way and did not enjoy situations where others had control over him.

His co-operation improved with a reward programme for doing what his mother wanted, and she realised that he had not really been frightened.

More Toddler Troubles...

• Keep your relationship revved up
• Positive parenting
• Stop problem behaviour before it starts
• Increasing your child's self-confidence and self-esteem
• How can I be firm without losing my temper?
• Caring for more than one
• Nightmares and night terrors
• Back to Toddler Troubles main page

Excerpted with permission of the publisher John Wiley & Sons, Ltd. fromToddler Troubles by Jo Douglas. Copyright © 2002 by John Wiley & Sons,Ltd. This book is also available at Wiley Europe, or by calling 44-1243 779-777.

read more:  previous | 1 |  2 | printer friendly send to a friend