Sitting it out

Maria says she’s learnt a valuable lesson: ‘We should have set firm ground rules and said that she couldn’t have friends round. We should also have been suspicious that she was wearing a hell of a lot of make-up for a babysitter...’

Getting it right
Maria’s experience shouldn’t put you off grabbing the odd night off out. Relate spokesperson Denise Knowles points out, ‘Children have a massive impact on your relationship. If you have time for each other as a couple - or are only fit to crash out in front of the TV every evening - you can start to feel rejected and resentful. You need time together, away from the house. A night out and a bottle of wine can help you relax and make you feel needed and loved again.’

Babysitting circles
If you don’t have family nearby, consider setting up a babysitting circle. These can operate to a strict credit system (with tokens earned and spent per hour of sitting) or on a more casual basis. You simply gather a local group of parents with young children and you offer your services as babysitter one night, and call upon another member of the circle when you want to go out.

It’s a good, no-cost option: your child will be familiar with the babysitter, and the bigger the circle, the more chance of finding someone to sit on the night you want. Friends who’ve met locally through antenatal groups, NCT groups, parent and toddler groups, playgroups and nurseries often set up babysitting circles together.

Agencies
No local network of like-minded parents? Then you might opt for an agency (with the benefit of knowing that babysitters are over 18 and carefully vetted). Fees range from around £4.50-£6 an hour outside London - in London, £5-£7 an hour. Most agencies also charge a one-off agency fee (around £10-£12) but if you're planning to use someone regularly you can usually pay an annual fee - around the £100 mark in London - and for this, you receive a list of sitters and their numbers.