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Gay parenting
The decision to become a parent is a tough one for anybody and questions about changes in lifestyle and the financial implications have to be considered. But if you're gay, the decision can be even tougher
Those in gay or lesbian relationships will be confronted by different questions. What will people think of us? What impact might it have on my child? And, of course, the most fundamental: How will I get a child?
Making babies
The first question that perplexes many gay couples, long before they even make a serious decision about starting a family, is how would we have a child?
Alison, 36, and Jan, 39, have been together for nearly six years and Alison never made any secret of the fact that she wanted a child. She explains: 'I'm from a very close family and I've always wanted children, always wanted to be a mum. I think some people assume you don't like kids if you're gay, but I've always loved them.'
Jan adds: 'I've always wanted a family too but because Alison is younger than me, we agreed years ago that she should be the one to get pregnant. But we didn't talk about it really seriously for years. I think we were both too scared to. But anyway, first we had to work out how the hell she'd get pregnant!
'We talked about adoption but even though the law has changed, the majority of children homed with lesbian or gay couples are still the 'hard to place' kids. Then we looked at donor insemination. I have a brother six years younger than me so we thought that, assuming he was willing, if Alison became pregnant with his sperm then the baby would still be biologically related to me.
'The other option we talked about was asking a gay couple that we're friends with. We knew they wanted children too so we reckoned we might make the perfect family - two dads and two mums.'
Another option they could have considered is egg swapping. One partner is inseminated and then the eggs are transferred to the other partner for the next nine months.
Whatever option is chosen, there will almost certainly be a cost implication. In spite of regular campaigning by organisations such as Stonewall, who fight for justice and equality on behalf of lesbians, gay men and bisexuals, there are few services available on the NHS. Going private is often the only, very expensive option. Alison and Jan were lucky that money was not an issue - Alison has a well paid career - but unfortunately, this raised other issues.
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