Parenting questions answered

Angry and frustrated

My little boy Jenson is now 19 months old. He has a relatively wide ranging vocabulary and when he's out and about people always comment on what a smiley boy he is.

However, when we're at home he is increasingly angry. When he can't do something or get his own way he screams a loud frustrated roar of anger and bites the nearest thing to hand as hard as he can. Previously this has been a toy and he'll bite down hard on to it as he screams. Recently though it has been his hand or my leg or daddy's foot.

He is going through a separation issue which we thought had resolved itself months ago and now my husband and I can't so much as go to the bathroom without tears and tantrums. If he hasn't got constant attention he pulls my hair or tries to gouge my eyes out and turn my face towards him.

Where has my funny and loving baby gone and how do I help him? I feel helpless when he's like this as I can't console him or help him with it. elli2307

Helen Brown: Poor you! It sounds like you?re having to deal with a lot.

I think Jenson may be entering his 'terrible twos' a little early. His angry behaviour sounds very like toddler tantrums to me. And at this age, as you rightly say, it's all about frustration. He's desperate to do things for himself but he can't or doesn't know how. He wants things done in a certain way but hasn't got the words to tell you so.

And all toddlers do it, to a greater or lesser extent. If it's any consolation, my oldest boy once lay on the floor and screamed for 22 minutes (yes, I did time it!) because I took the top of his yoghurt pot for him!

It would take me too long to write down all my tantrum tactics but my top tips are:

• Stay as calm as you can. He's not doing this to get at you or to be naughty. He's just being a toddler
• Try to anticipate the tantrum triggers and step in quick. Think about when the tantrums happen: when he's tired? When he's hungry? When you're in a rush? When you're talking to your partner? And come up with ways to deal with each situation before he has a chance to get stroppy
• Distract him. You can often avert a tantrum before it starts by doing something silly or pointing to something incredibly exciting out of the window
• Check he's understood you. Tantrums sometimes happen when a toddler doesn't know what he's expected to do. Get down to his level, look him in the eye and repeat clearly and simply what you want him to do. And then say, 'Come on, let's do it together!'
• Ignore screaming. Nothing deflates a tantrum more quickly than a lack of an audience
• Don't give in or he'll keep doing it. But do offer him a way out, either by distracting him, if that's possible, or by finding something else for him to do.
• Give him a hug when it's over. He's probably scared himself silly