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Parenting questions answered
Parenting expert Helen Brown, author of Parenting for Dummies (Wiley, £14.99), joined iVillage for a chat
My son is biting
My son is almost three and has bitten me, my husband and his sister. This has only happened a few times over the last year and each time he got a very stern telling off which reduced him to real tears. I thought we were getting through to him.
However, last week, while at my mum's house he bit his playgroup friend. My mum intercepted just as he made contact and the friend wasn't hurt, nor even realised he was going to do it. They weren't even disagreeing over anything! As far as I know, this is the first time he has bitten anyone outside the family. I have really tried to nip this in the bud but obviously not succeeded! poppins2
Helen Brown: Please don't worry! Lots of toddlers bite. To them, it's no different to hitting and pushing and yelling, although I know it seems much worse to us.
At this age, biting is usually all about frustration. His playgroup friend probably had a toy he wanted but he didn't know how to ask him for it, or he asked but his friend didn't want to share and he felt impatient and cross. You're doing the right thing by making it clear that it's not a nice thing to do. Keep going! I bet you anything this is just a phase that will pass. And, as your son's language, communication and social skills improve, he'll put away the fangs for good!
Is thumping a boy thing?
My question concerns the throwing and thumping, usually in good spirit that we get from my two-and-a-half-year-old son. He is lovely and it is rarely something he does in malice but more in fun but it ends in tears (his and his older sibling's) so I am wondering how to deal with it or if I am dealing with it effectively.
Today at mums and tots he did thump back in self defence and as he did so said 'Oooops, I am sorry' several times. I told him not to thump but to tell mummy if he was thumped. I also told him if he thumps we will go home but at the end of the day he does need to survive and stick up for himself! At home we have a firm rule of no throwing unless it is a ball and then that is only allowed outside.
It worked with my daughter, now five, but my son doesn't seem to understand this! Everyone tells me it's a boy thing but to me that's kind of dismissive. Although I can definitely see a difference between his behaviour and his sisters and she is a tomboy! Cl-flowermum
Helen Brown: I'm probably going to get shot down in flames now but, as the mum of three boys, I really do believe that boys are more physical and 'thumpy-throwy' than girls.
That doesn't mean they're nastier or less cuddly, they're just different. I have a no throwing/kicking rule in my house. The only exception is for a soft small ball and to get that, they have to ask first and then go and play with it somewhere where there's nothing breakable!
But, for days when we can't get out (always my first option), we do have other slightly more physical games in the house, like soft skittles and magnetic darts and skipping ropes because I've learnt over the years that they just have so much energy to expend. They're like puppies really: give them a good walk/jump-around every day and then they're adorable.
As for the thumping, that's a bit different and you're right to deal with it as you are doing. I find that showing over-the-top concern for the 'thumpee' is a good tactic: he'll soon learn that thumping gets him no attention and so isn't really worth repeating.
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