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Parenting 
  |  Toddler & Pre-school  |  Behaviour  |  Changes causing problems
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Changes causing problems

by Coram Family

question
We moved from Southern England to the Midlands recently since when my three-year-old son has become aggressive and insecure.
I work part-time. My son spent two weeks at nursery school, then we moved. He spent one week at his grandparents, then two weeks in our new home before my husband was sent away for nine weeks with his work. Normally we try to prepare our son about a situation months in advance, but because so much was happening at once, there was too much information for him to take in. So we didn't tell him about Daddy going away to work until the week before. He attends nursery three days a week and seems to cope with that, but is very sad and low in spirits. I realise all this has made him insecure and it will take lots of cuddles and patience to make things better. But is there anything else I can do to make him feel more secure?

answer
It sounds as if you fully understand how your young son has become so unhappy. Even resilient children are weighed down by many changes and uncertainty. Unfortunately, it will take time for him to feel confident that family life has settled down and there will be no more sudden surprises. Yes, plenty of patience, cuddles and normal shared activities with you will help your son to feel secure again. It will also be important that you hold as much as possible to usual boundaries for his behaviour, without getting into power battles over lack of co-operation. Try to involve your son in making areas of your new home, like his bedroom, as welcoming as possible.

Is his dad in a position to keep in touch while he’s away? Clearly your son would rather have him with you both at home. But postcards, smiley face drawings and telephone calls can help. It sounds as if you talk with your son and listen to his feelings. It may help to recognise openly with him that life has been upside down or that it has been tough for everyone recently. Finally, how are you doing? You are properly concerned to support your son but you could probably also do with some support yourself.

Why not chat to other iVillagers about behaviour on the Working Mums message board. Take a look at some of the LIVE discussions happening now on the board:

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