Hearing problems or disobedience?

I’m impressed that you have identified your son’s poor co-operation as a listening problem rather than simply something to do with disobedience. You obviously know and understand him very well. Poor listening is a common problem.

Children can become poor listeners for several reasons. Having difficulty hearing is certainly one of them and it would be sensible to get your son’s ears checked to put your mind at rest. This could be the explanation. If it is not, we need to look elsewhere.

Some children feel they get ‘talked at’ by clever adults and told what to do too much. They feel they don’t have much time and space for themselves, so they tend to ‘tune out’ out from adult voices and switch off. Other children don’t listen because they fear failure: they expect they won’t be able to achieve what they’re asked to do, so they pretend not to hear. Yet others have strong imaginations and get deeply engrossed in their play or inner thoughts, and simply have little awareness of people in the world outside their fantasy. Some may expect to be told off, so try to avoid that, or their previous experience suggests they won’t be listened to so they don’t bother. You have the sensitivity to know which explanation, or combination of explanations, is the closest fit for your son. When you speak to him, try to stand directly in front of him and make eye contact. Ask him about things he likes to talk about, and be very encouraging about the things he’s good at. When you ask him to do something, make sure he sees from your face that you are firm and that you expect him to agree to your request.
I hope you get this sorted out happily.

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