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  |  Toddler & Pre-school  |  Potty Training  |  Toilet training
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Toilet training

by Coram Family

question
My son is four years old. So far, we’ve been unsuccessful in getting him to use the potty or toilet for a bowel movement. He insists on wearing a nappy at bedtime to do it in. I am starting to panic as he is starting school soon and all our efforts at encouraging him have failed. He is aware that others his age don’t wear nappies but won’t go that extra step. I’m at a loose end. I feel that I’ve tried everything to no avail but I really don’t want his school life ruined by the fact that he wears nappies. Any ideas?

answer
This situation is quite usual, so don’t get over anxious about it. Your son’s reluctance to use the potty or toilet may come from a range of concerns. He may be worried about getting to the potty on time, and doing it in his pants. He may like to do it standing up, crouching or lying down, rather than sitting. He may like the smell. It’s also possible that he’s worried about growing up, and this is a feature of his babyhood and dependence on you that he’s reluctant to let go of. He may also feel that this is something he can control you with. Young children have to be managed by adults, it’s unavoidable, but they can resent this if they feel they have little space left to decide anything for themselves. I wouldn’t press him too hard for reasons, because he may not be sure himself.

There are several tactics you might consider. You might try, if you haven’t done so already, transferring the bowel movement to the potty in the morning, to show him that’s where it belongs, and leaving it there for a very short while he gets dressed. He might agree to forgo the nappy if he has a stick-on liner in his pants as a compromise precaution to give him confidence in case he doesn’t make it to the toilet. Or you might leave the nappy on the floor at night next to the potty and suggest he chooses which he uses, but that the nappy won’t be put on him.

Alternatively, you might say, confidently, that it’s fine for him to decide, you understand his worries, and that you trust him to decide sensibly and look forward to the time when he can manage without the nappy. His school friends won’t know what happens at home at night, so don’t fret too much about the teasing. I hope you unravel this issue satisfactorily.

Why not chat to other iVillagers about potty training on the Sleep and Toilet Training message board. Take a look at some of the LIVE discussions happening now on the board:

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