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  |  Toddler & Pre-school  |  Sleep  |  Bad dreams
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Bad dreams

by Coram Family

question
My four-year-old wakes every night, frightened by nasty dreams. She ends up sleeping in our bed because she’s so upset but now I think it’s got to be a habit. I‘m not sure how to deal with the dreams (she doesn’t watch violent videos or TV) or how to get her to sleep through the night.

answer
Some children are very troubled by disturbing and frightening dreams. The vivid imagination that probably fuels the dreams can be useful in the daytime, but is a liability to children in the dark. Children can be unnerved by almost anything and this problem is not just caused by inappropriate television viewing. Young children can be scared of monsters, creaky floorboards and of scenes in films made for children.

Families have to make their own choice about whether to let children come into bed or stay there for the night. It probably isn’t a good idea long term and you do want your child to be able to deal with her own fears.

  • Make your daughter’s bedroom as welcoming and safe-feeling as possible. Leave enough light on all night to let her can see clearly if she wakes. Very low-level nightlights sometimes throw shadows that are scary in themselves.
  • See what might help your daughter to feel safe if she wakes. Is it a particular teddy or blanket? Some children from about four or five years are reassured by telling themselves, ‘It’s just a dream’ or ‘My Mum says you witches aren’t real. So go away!’
  • If she wakes and comes in to you, your choice can be to take her back, reassure and talk with her and then say you will just be next door (or whatever).
  • This approach can take several goes on a bad night and is why some parents give up from exhaustion. It could be worth it if you do feel that your daughter now prefers to be in bed with you. Some children like company at night.
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