Parenting 

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Getting your kids to listen

In order to gain the respect and co-operation of your children, you must consider consequences other than your escalating anger. Clearly they believe their father means what he says. Why is this so? You will benefit from observing the congruency of your husband's communication (verbal and non-verbal) and the follow through that occurs if they do not do as he says.

Your children will respond to you if:

• There are clear and consistent consequences for not doing so.
• You are giving clear messages regarding what you expect.
• Your expectations are age-appropriate.
• There are no messages that would undermine your authority in the family. In other words, it is important that your husband reinforce your authority to the children. This will assure that they will not go to the other parent for the same request the first parent has just denied.

Explore your own childhood role models for clues to what is ineffective in your current parenting style. What were the rules in your childhood and how were they upheld? Was your mother effective in her communication in the family? Were both parents capable of disciplining the children? Or was one of your parents inconsistent in maintaining the rules? If your mum was the 'softie' in the family, you probably did not respect her authority because she lacked follow-through.

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