iVillage logo
Parenting 
Advertisement
Topics
iVillage shopping

Hot stuff
Newsletters
sign up for FREE!




 
Promotions

Understanding the bully

by Hilary Pereira
girl_lean What could be worse than being called in to your child's school and told that he or she is a bully? You may feel like punishing them, but kids who bully often have underlying insecurities

The many charities and helplines set up to tackle bullying offer a lot of advice and support to the victims, but there are fewer resources available for parents of children who bully. It's vital for parents to recognise their child's behaviour and learn to understand what could be motivating him or her to pick on their peers.

'Many children don't know themselves why they bully,' says Peter Sharp, a chartered psychologist who focuses on special educational needs and emotional literacy. 'Not only do they not fully understand - some don't have a clue they are bullies,' he explains.

What is bullying?
The child, or group of children, that bullies is wielding power over their target. Bullying behaviour includes the following:

  • verbal abuse
  • humiliating, taunting and belittling another child
  • alienating, isolating and excluding another child
  • blackmail and threatening behaviour
  • making another child do things he or she doesn't want to do
  • physical attacks
  • damaging another child's belongings
  • stealing or demanding money from the target child
  • spreading malicious rumours
  • attacking when the other child is most vulnerable.

    Why do children bully?
    We all need self-esteem, and children are no different. Children who are feeling bad about themselves or going through a difficult time may try to become more confident through exercising power over others. 'Research shows that many children who bully have themselves been bullied ? either by children or adults,' Peter Sharp comments.

    Other reasons why kids bully include being jealous of the target child or feeling insecure because they are in some way different from their peers. In this last case, a bully might decide to pose as a tough-guy, as a defence mechanism against other children's potential teasing.

    iVillage TV - Pregnancy experts

    View video in larger player


  •  1 |  2 3 next print printer friendly send to a friend
      
    Delicious     Digg     reddit     Facebook     StumbleUpon