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10 dos and don'ts of dealing with teenagers
by Kim Haskins
Bringing up teenagers can be confusing for the teens and parents alike, so to make things a little easier we've put together a top ten list of dos and don'ts
Do show respect for your teenager
Show it and you'll receive it in return. For example, respect their privacy by expressing an interest in their personal lives without trying to log into their Facebook account. Also, let them know that their opinions and feelings matter to you, and be constructive in your explanation if you don't agree with them ('Just because' just won't do). Overall, be positive, not punitive: admit and apologise when you've been in the wrong, and praise them when they've done something good. A little humility goes a long way.
Do listen
'Nobody understands me' may be the familiar adage of adolescence, but we can empathise by both taking the time to listen and remember what it was like for us as teenagers. Listening (while resisting the urge to interrupt) not only shows you care but also develops a sense of mutual trust. What's more, it will help you to gain a better understanding of certain situations without jumping to conclusions.
Do let them know you're there
You know you'll be there for them no matter what, but do they? Create an open environment wherein all family members can feel free to discuss what's on their mind without fear of being judged. We can't guide our children through all aspects of life, but we can be on-call for support. Let your teen learn from their own mistakes and make sure you're there to talk about whatever's gone wrong when they're ready.
Do keep calm and consistent
Teenagers' behaviour can be notoriously bad-tempered and unpredictable, but the last thing to help is you fanning the flames with similar behaviour. However frustrating it seems, it's worth biting your tongue when things get heated. Keeping calm will help them to do the same and eventually encourage more open and level-headed communication. If you do say anything in anger to them, take steps to clear the storm by apologising and explaining why you were upset.
Do have fun together
Time-wise, we're talking about quality over quantity. Even if other commitments only leave you with the odd half an hour here and there, then so be it — just make the most of what you've got. It can be as simple as going out for a meal or watching a film together. Ask them what they'd like to do and, importantly, make sure you enjoy it too.
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