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How do I say 'no' to my teenager?
My daughter is almost 14. Up until last year we got along 95 per cent of the time. Now, it is all I can do just to have a good conversation with her. She was an excellent student until last year, now she is close to failing everything. She also wants to pierce her eyebrow, and we have argued about this every day since her friend had it done. I refuse to allow her to do this, so she says she hates me and I'm mean.
The struggles during secondary school are all about control. Parents have it; children want it. It is inevitable that there will be clashes. Your daughter wants to be able to make decisions on her own. The trouble is, some of the decisions she is making conflict with yours.
I would stand firm on school. Secondary school is more demanding than primary school and often, with the social scene heating up, it is very tempting for teens to tune out. Explain to your daughter that school is her job and you expect her to do that job to the best of her abilities. If she fails to meet those obligations, chances are you will be reluctant to grant her more freedom.
With regard to the eyebrow piercing, adolescents view their bodies almost as a canvas. The way they look very much reflects who they feel they are at that moment in time. You have to decide if this is something you want to fight for. You may find that if she brings up her grades and becomes more co-operative on other fronts, you may be willing to grant her this wish.
Why not chat to other iVillagers about teenagers on the Parents of Teens message board. Take a look at some of the LIVE discussions happening now on the board:
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