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Why is my teen so difficult?

by Charlene Giannetti and Margaret Sagarese

question

My 13-year-old daughter is very hard to get along with. She hates school and will not even try to do well. She has to have her teachers sign her homework book each day, because she has a history of not handing in her assignments. She is gifted and was getting good marks until the beginning of Year Seven. Now, in Year Eight, she has a terrible attitude. She seems to go out of her way to be herself, which, to most people, is just very different.

She does not have many friends, and she does not seem willing to work at keeping the ones she has. She is disrespectful to me and her younger sisters. Is this normal? And how do I keep from losing my mind and temper?



answer

It is never easy to see a formerly pleasant, well-functioning child turn into a defiant, disrespectful adolescent. Moodiness is not unusual for a 13-year-old. However, several things seem to be going on with your daughter. She sounds very angry, and the fact that she does not have many close friends (along with the volatile relationships with her siblings) is worrying.

I think you need to take a closer look. Have you talked to her teachers? Do they have an explanation (besides the attitude) for her poor school performance? Has she ever been tested for learning difficulties? Often when a child cannot do the work, she will forget to hand it in.

It sounds like her personality has undergone a change too. Have you seen any evidence of drug use? Marijuana, for example, can produce some of the symptoms you describe. Adolescents who smoke on a regular basis lose interest in school, friends, hobbies, etc. They also let their personal appearance go and become very argumentative and abusive. It may be worth investigating this just to rule it out.

Why not chat to other iVillagers about teenagers on the Parents of Teens message board. Take a look at some of the LIVE discussions happening now on the board:

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