Your teen and drugs

Look out for 'vulnerable moments'

We need to be aware of times in our teenagers' lives when they may be more vulnerable to unhealthy behaviour. It could be a time of bereavement, family breakdown, exams, bullying or breaking up with their first boyfriend or girlfriend. It can be easy for a young person to turn to drugs to alter how they feel about a situation rather than deal with it. If we are aware of what life is throwing at them, we can be prepared to offer support, and perhaps cut them a little more slack than normal in less important areas.

Allow other adults that you trust to be a support to your child

It can be hurtful when our teenager wants to talk to another adult rather than ourselves, but so long as we can trust that person we should encourage it. Let's face it, there are things you'd rather not share with your parents, and we should be grateful for the fact that they are happy to talk to another person in whom we have confidence.

What happens if we discover our teenager is taking drugs?

We'll need to talk with our teenager, but it's vital to pick our moment. Don't even begin to try and talk about it if they are currently under the influence. It's impossible to hold a sensible conversation with anyone drunk or high. These are big issues and it may be we are going to have just one chance to get this conversation right. We need to take some time to think about what we will say. Our priority at this time is making sure of our child's safety and health.

Choose a time when you know you won't have any interruptions - perhaps even when you're driving them somewhere they want to go. Don't accuse them, because if you are wrong, you may well damage your long-term relationship. Let them know your concerns - perhaps you've found something in the house or are worried about changes in their behaviour.

Perhaps say something like, 'You don't seem to have been your normal self lately. Have you been feeling OK?' Give them an opportunity to respond, but you may find they don't want to talk about it at all or are obviously lying. Don't give in to the temptation to get angry.

Try not to be judgemental or to ridicule, saying things like, 'how could you be so stupid?' The aim of this conversation is to find out what is really going on in our teenager's life and help them make any changes they need to. It's important they know that our main concern is their wellbeing.

Having said that, a softly, softly approach may not always be possible. Some situations call for us to consider not just the welfare of our teenager but the health and safety of the rest of the family - maybe younger siblings especially. It may be that we have to set down some rules - particularly in regard to what goes on in the home - and consequences if they are broken.

Some of us are going to need support ourselves to help us get through this situation. If our child is travelling down the path towards drug dependency, an experienced counsellor can not only help to deal with it and bring a sense of perspective.

Finally, realise that even if you do find a joint of cannabis in their bedroom, then although it is a real cause for concern, it doesn't mean they are addicts or that they will necessarily become addicts. As we have seen in other areas, for most teenagers these experiences - dangerous though they are - are experiments, not lifestyle choices.

Extracted from Teenagers! What Every Parent Has to Know by Rob Parsons. Published by Hodder & Stoughton, £7.99.