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What are your teens getting up to?
Teen behaviour in the home seems difficult enough, but it's even more daunting worrying about what your teen's getting up to outside of the home domain. Pyschologist Dr Pam Spurr helps us deal with peer pressure, sex and drugs
Top tips for parenting teens
Freedom and curfews
Sex and relationships
Drugs
Drinking
Peer pressure
Body piercings and tattoos
Most parents' biggest fear is their teen will get out of their depth in situations where, for example, drink and drugs might be available or they may be under pressure to have sex.
Add to this the fact your teen feels autonomous and independent when as a parent you know they still need guidance. But try to give them a little advice and they often repay you with a look saying you're the most pitiful person on earth because they 'know-it-all'.
Many parents acknowledge that rows are often triggered by what they perceive as a disrespectful 'I know-it-all' attitude when it comes to things like going out, drugs and sex. However it's not necessarily your teen being disrespectful, but rather part of a normal process of 'separation' from you.
Adolescent separation
The first stage of separation is when children pass through the toddler phase as their personality forms. But a further and somewhat trickier stage of separation occurs during adolescence in terms of decision-making and taking control of their lives. Imagine if a colleague or family member was always telling you they 'knew what was best for you'. You'd pull away with your own 'I know-it-all' attitude and that's how many teens feel.
The key to dealing with all sorts of concerns outside the home is to work with this attitude - that yes they do know some of it and you simply want to add to their knowledge! Generally speaking the approach I encourage is 'flexible firmness'. This entails discussion with your teen about the various issues they'll face. Their feelings and opinions are acknowledged, but you combine this with setting boundaries where you know they need setting, for example with curfews.
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