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Dealing with girl bullies

by Charlene Giannetti and Margaret Sagarese

question
Some of the girls at my daughter's school (she is 13) are continually fist-fighting like the boys. My daughter has informed me that there are numerous girls now threatening to beat her up because she talked to a boy that one of them likes.

My daughter has never fought a day in her life, and I am scared to death. I phoned the school and they called it a teen thing that rarely actually results in a fight. I am scared she is going to come home from school one day beaten up. She loves school except for the bullies. What can we do?

answer

Bullies and cliques are a very real threat to our children today. Your daughter is not alone. One study found that as many as 58 per cent of students said they missed school once or more because they were afraid of being picked on at school by a bully. And as you have discovered, the threat of violence is very real. I am surprised - and alarmed - that your daughter's school took your complaints so lightly. Bullying is not a teen thing. Bullying is antisocial behaviour that should not be permitted, in school or anywhere else. Write to the head teacher, detailing names and places involved in the bullying.

Talk to other parents at the school. If others share your concerns, you may be able to present your complaints to the school together. Does the school have a peer mediation system where students resolve issues together? If so, encourage your daughter to seek relief by sitting down with these girls in a non-threatening environment. In the meantime, give your daughter lots of support and encouragement. It takes a lot of courage to stand up to this type of abuse. At the same time, make sure she understands that you do not expect her to handle the situation alone. If these girls threaten her again, she should immediately seek out an adult she can trust at school. And, of course, she should keep you informed.

Why not chat to other iVillagers about bullies on the Beat Bullying message board. Take a look at some of the LIVE discussions happening now on the board:

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