My teen is casual about oral sex

Your teenager is ignoring the emotional ramifications involved in becoming sexually active. Her psychological readiness to share her body with a sexual partner deserves special consideration, whether she is contemplating oral sex, intercourse or mutual masturbation.

Let your daughter know that having sex is an intimate experience with both emotional and physical dimensions. Do not be thrown by her arbitrary statement. She may be speaking provocatively in order to stimulate having a discussion with you on the subject. Certainly, if her concern was only about pregnancy, then oral sex might be her answer. It is your job to point out to her that pregnancy is not the only issue here.

Share your values
Don't be embarrassed to speak frankly and directly to your daughter about sex. It is your teenager's job to challenge - and yours to answer the call by letting her know your beliefs and philosophy. Have the same kind of discussion with her that you would have about intercourse. This is an opportunity to share your values with her as a woman, as well as a mother.

If you truly believe that sex should be nurtured within a loving and committed relationship, tell her why. If you believe that trust is an important prerequisite to sexual vulnerability with another, explain why you believe it will make a difference for her. But do not stop there.

Banish any myth that oral sex equals safe sex. Though rare, it is possible to contract HIV orally, presumably if open sores in the mouth are present. Since the mouth is susceptible to undetectable lesions, oral sex is no guarantee of safety from HIV or other sexually transmitted diseases. This includes herpes.