I'm a single mum with a 13-year-old son who started masturbating about a year ago. He keeps hiding his semen-stained pillow in the wardrobe. Is it normal for him to do this and how should I go about talking to him about it?

answer

I am so glad you found our site. First, rest assured that your son is normal. Masturbation is common and not harmful. In the olden days, it was frowned upon and rumoured to have dire results. These days we know that there's nothing dangerous about it. In fact, it allows sexual release without risking impregnating a girl.

You mention being a single mum, which can make it difficult to broach sensitive subjects with your son. All mothers - married, divorced and single - feel uncomfortable talking to their sons about sexual matters. It's so much easier talking to daughters. As we say in our book, The Roller-coaster Years www.Amazon.co.uk, girls have menstrual cycles just as we do, so talking about body issues and moving on to sex and romance feels natural to mothers. Puberty for boys can include topics that women have no experience with - wet dreams and ejaculation and fantasy - what woman isn't uncomfortable with that? The only one more uncomfortable than you about these sexual issues is your son!

Begin your conversation with your son by talking about hygiene. Mention that boys have wet dreams, which can stain their bedding. Request that if he has stained bedding that he put it in the laundry. This should make him feel less shameful about the pillow.

It's important to talk about masturbation and all the other issues with your boy. This is a perfect opportunity for you to explain your own value system and behavioural expectations. If you ignore his silent questions, he will turn to his friends, obtaining often less than accurate information. So accept this discomfort as a parental responsibility and talk to him anyway. Good luck.

Why not chat to other iVillagers about boys on the Single Parent Support message board. Take a look at some of the LIVE discussions happening now on the board:

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