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Girls and masturbation
My 16-year-old daughter confessed to me last night that she masturbates. While I tried to hide my shock that she would tell me this, I tried to think of the right answers for her. She also told me about a recent conversation with a group of kids at school, one of whom was a boy asking the girls if they masturbated. They all said no, even my daughter, who inside was saying yes. It seems that in society it is OK for the guys but taboo for the girls. My daughter told me she felt really relieved and thanked me for not being angry with her. If it comes down to masturbation (to relieve the sexual tension) or sex, I would definitely encourage masturbation. I talked to her about how she needs to be careful with her fantasy life, as the more you think about something happening, the more likely it would be for her to follow through.
It is a great tribute to your rapport that your daughter trusted you with such an intimate confidence as masturbation. You are certainly correct that masturbation is a subject usually linked to adolescent boys. Girls are equally justified to enjoy this sexual release. It is the safest sex of all.
Your theories about fantasy life do not agree with research, however. Nancy Friday wrote a classic book of women's sexual fantasies, My Secret Garden,www.amazon.co.uk and she says that fantasies are not necessarily things you would want to do in real life. So do not worry that your child's sexual fantasies are a practice run.
As parents, we have both to guide and respect our young adolescents' intimate sexual selves. The fact that your child trusts you is a wonderful indication that she will listen to your guidance.
Why not chat to other iVillagers about masturbation on the Parents of Teens message board. Take a look at some of the LIVE discussions happening now on the board:
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