Learning to let go
Every September, thousands of parents have to let go of their children as they head off to university and many tears are shed on campuses around the country.
According to popular stereotypes, parents dread the day their children head for university and students can't wait. As a school counsellor, I have found this to be true of my students - on the outside. Beneath the world-weary blase that is the secondary-school version of method acting, many are scared stiff.
The process of separation begins months before the first suitcase hits the family car. The initial sign is an exaggeration of normal family dynamics. Where a child has always tested limits, the push and pull escalates into a full-scale tug-of-war. Where conversations have generally been limited to words like 'Fine' and 'Nothing' (as in 'How are you?' and 'What did you do today?'), the student becomes even more tight-lipped.
A little turbulence is par for the course, but some parents react with panic. They see the family disintegrating and work overtime to make it better - which usually makes it worse. In reality, intense conflict is often a sign of equally intense love. A psychologist friend says that some people actually provoke arguments from a subconscious need to make the impending separation more bearable. The best survival skills are an even temper, extra patience and a sense of humour.
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