Learning to let go

Do not linger. During the first week of university, parents have a status approximately equal to the lepers in Biblical times. I suggest that parents help the student settle in, make sure everything is OK and then leave. When students are insecure about their identity in a new place, the last thing they want is to be seen with Mum and Dad.

Write letters and send emails. Every parent wants to keep in touch, but phone calls can be embarrassing when the new student is sitting in a room full of friends. I recommend that students make the first phone call, but parents should feel free to send letters and email from day one. Even if they will not admit it, university students really do want to hear from parents. A food parcel after two or three weeks is an especially nice touch.

Have realistic expectations. The first year of university is an emotional roller coaster and far from the carefree time that many of us remember with selective hindsight. Students should be prepared for rocky times along with the excitement; parents should expect at least one or two teary phone calls. Only if the unhappiness persists over a period of months should anyone become concerned.

Of all the trials of parenting, letting go is often the hardest. After 18 years of pouring heart and soul into raising a child, the first chill of autumn is a signal that the time has come.

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