Bringing baby home

We don't have the luxury of a practice run at parenting, and both you and your partner may worry that you are not going to be good at it. It is important to try to feel happy with yourself, as there really is no such thing as the perfect parent.

When you come home, it can be very frightening to have sole responsibility for looking after your precious newborn for the first time. You may feel inadequate and have a fear of not being able to cope, particularly when your partner goes back to work. Try to be as relaxed with your baby as possible, giving him lots of cuddles and unconditional love. Remember too, that it will take time to get to know him, and by the time he is six weeks old you will be much more confident than him.

You may find you are given conflicting advice about how to care for your baby. It's a good idea to decide what your own approach will be, and give yourself permission to stick with it. Try not to compare your parenting with your friends, as you know your baby best and your instincts and common sense are the best guide to what she needs.

Mood swings

You may find one day you feel ecstatic about everything and yet the next day you are miserable. These mood swings are quite normal, especially if you are breastfeeding. Some women are very weepy when their milk comes in three to four days after the birth, whereas others feel weepy later on. I remember when our first baby was six weeks old, I cried and cried. My poor husband didn't know what to do with me, he had no idea why I was crying.

If you do find that you have mood swings, try not to worry and don't put yourself under pressure to put on a 'brave face'. It's often best to have a really good cry and talk about your feelings with your partner or a close friend. As much as you can, try to accept that mood swings and tears are a normal part of life as you adjust to the tiredness and hormonal changes after birth. Even if your friends with babies appear to be coping amazingly well, the reality is that they will probably have had lots of ups and downs too.

Coping with postnatal depression

Many mothers I have worked with are worried about having postnatal depression, particularly if they experience mood swings and 'baby blues' in the first few weeks. The majority of women recover quickly from baby blues, but if you feel miserable and low for a longer period, you may need to talk this through with your health visitor or GP.

Some of the signs of postnatal depression are being unable to cope, and a sense of everything seeming very bleak and hopeless. You many also feel very anxious and tense or be unusually irritable. Physically, you may want to sleep during the day and yet be unable to sleep at night and you may lose your appetite.

If you do suffer from postnatal depression, remember that you're not alone and it's not your fault. Most importantly, don't feel guilty! The best thing you can do for you and your baby is to seek help.